Signs of Abusive Relationships
Assessing Relationships
Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts, or continually makes fun of another person, its abuse.
Does Your Partner...
• Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends, family, co-workers, or teachers?
• Put down your accomplishments or goals?
• Make you feel like they are smarter and that you are unable to make decisions?
• Use intimidation or threats to get their way?
• Tell you that you are nothing without him or her?
• Treat you roughly -- grab, push, pinch, shove, or hit you?
• Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
• Use drugs and alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
• Blame you for how they feel?
• Pressure you sexually for things you are not ready for or don't want to do?
• Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
• Prevent you from going or doing things you want to do?
• Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson?"
• Make you feel like everything that doesn't go right is your fault?
Do You...
• Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
• Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior?
• Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself (i.e. how you dress, who you talk to, or how you show you care)?
• Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
• Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
• Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
• Stay with your partner only because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse WILL continue to happen!
• The right to share equally with your partner in all decisions and responsibilities.
• The right to have friendships with both women and men outside of your relationship.
• The right to express your opinions and have them given the same respect and considerations as those of your partner.
• The right to have and express your sexual needs and desires without feeling guilty, demanding, selfish, or aggressive.
• The right to have your emotional, physical, intellectual, and economic needs be as important as the needs of your partner.
• The right to allow your partner to be responsible for their behavior rather than you being responsible for their behavior.
• The right to seek professional help.
• The right to NEVER be physically attacked, psychologically degraded, or verbally abused by your partner.
• The right to leave the relationship for a short or long time or to end the relationship if abuse occurs.
• The right to not blame yourself if the relationship in which you have invested so much love and effort is ended.
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